Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
