You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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