all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
