Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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