whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
