fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
