I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
