I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
