How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
