What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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