I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
