Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
