I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
