You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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