I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
