Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
