Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My ass is underappreciated
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
