The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
