went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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