So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
