he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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