Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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