I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
