is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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