You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
