i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My ass is underappreciated
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
