May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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