paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
