I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
