I'm so fucking centered right now
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So many bounce houses so little time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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