i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
