I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
