the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
