you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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