Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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