I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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