I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
