as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
