I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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