If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
