Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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