fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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