She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
