Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
