bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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