I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
