I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
