she woke up with a sticky ear
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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