when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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