genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
