dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize