Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
