Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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