It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
