I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
