the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
