my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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