I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
