HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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