Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
