Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
In America we eat man semen.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
