I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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