Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
