I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
