Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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