After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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