I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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