after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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