On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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