It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
