Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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