Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
