I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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