I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
