so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
