Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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