Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
