Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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