this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
