she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
