On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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