thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
