i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
