Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
