Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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